1. When his mum died, he sang a little song for her.

2. Have you seen the Cornish flag? It's ridiculous.

3. You don't take a girl into the woods unless you're up to no good.

4. He was the only one who had a Lynx Bullet. I was really impressed.

5. Newcastle is a really nice city. They've done it up.

1. It was surprisingly quiet in town. I think everyone was a bit disappointed by the lack of action.

2. Jack, you've got a bit of tin foil on your arse.

3. Oh no, it's alright! Just didn't want to say 'I love you' out loud in the tube!

4. I feel sorry for the husbands of the women leaders. They have to mince around with the girls all day.

5. You remember Janice? Used to call her daughter Norman, as in Bates. Well, now the daughter's a bit psycho. I blame the mother.

1. Did you see Britney Spears in the paper this morning? I thought it was Vanessa Feltz. They could be sisters.

2. Mummy! I want to do my sit ups!

3. No shame in your game. All the normal folks have got to humble themselves.

4. You probably shouldn't take more than five aspirin at a time.

5. It's not a conspiracy. It's too stupid for that.

1. It smells like elephants down here.

2. What do you like doing at weekends? Do you do the crosswords?

3. I think it's Tanya Donnelly, who was in Belly.

4. I always end up in the seat where you can't see your reflection. I get paranoid about my hair.

5. Did you see the Man Utd result? Ha ha ha...

1. She's got hair like in a music video. Curly and wavy. You know what I mean.

2. Rihanna. Tsk. She better watch what she says about Chris Brown.

3. And we met some gay guys, and they said that we were female versions of them.

4. The 'spot the difference' is always the same. They raise their skirts and lower their collars.

5. My phone's ringing. It's probably a paedophile alert.

1. I never do my bedding in a drier. I put it on the line.

2. They found this grave, yeah. And it's really old and it's got Jesus's name written on it.

3. This is Suzanne. It's her birthday today.

4. Then it exploded and there was sick everywhere!

5. It's absolutely stupid that you can only get two prams on a bus at the same time. This is the 21st century!

1. You know how you tell when Sophie's at a party? When she's not on effing facebook.

2. Stephen Fry's the man. He does it all day long. I don't know how he manages it, but he does.

3. Every shoe shop I went into, I was followed by four Turkish guys shouting at each other.

4. I feel sorry for people who don't have flatscreen tellies.

5. It's ok to put lemon juice on salmon.

1. What am I gonna do with 200 metres of dental floss?

2. Shire horses are just normal horses that have been fed loads of wagon wheels!

3. Fifteen minutes! The next Circle Line train will be along in fifteen minutes!

4. Lidl in Paris do real special offers... huge TVs for peanuts. What does our Lidl sell? cheap compost and nylon pants.

5. That was before I could drive, so I didn't really understand roads.

1. Here I am, transcending reality, and what are you doing?

2. This is no time for speaking in tongues.

3. In Russia it snows every day and they still manage to run a country.

4. My spell checker is rubbish. I was trying to order a bag of Wotsits and ended up with a Wetsuit.

5. It's no good. The loo's got a skylight, so people can look at you when you're doing a jobbie.

1. It's probably your left ventricle... I get all my knowledge from Gray's Anatomy.

2. Ian's asked everyone who's ever slept with him to phone him. So he can't even be bothered to phone them?

3. He came to England in the 1600s and ended up as a clergyman, strangely enough.

4. It's mocktails for me from now on.

5. Crime and Punishment and The Idiot were his two books, weren't they?

1. He can't have shaved down there in all his 40 years, I've re-named him "Tim Nice But Needs A Trim".

2. You like these trousers? Thanks! They're Vernon Kay's...

3. What's the number for 118 118?

4. I go where I want. I am the Magasihi.

5. But then again, I don't tend to drink my beer in the toilets

1. How do you know that you're only 17?

2. Have you seen the busker with the mouth organ at Oxford Circus? He really spazzed out.

3. Of course he's Spanish. Have you not looked at his hair? He has a mini-mullet. Just little fronds at the back of his head.

4. You have a poncho? I have a poncho too! High Five!

5. ...And you were in the shower...Again! That's all you do - wash and breastfeed.

1. Uh oh. Bogey at 9 o'clock.

2. How come Top Shop have their own radio station?

3. Hello! Excuse me! I'm wedged in here.

4. What would you rather save? The whales? Or the banks?

5. I was watching this old film, and I suddenly realised where they got the idea for Mr Burns in The Simpsons.

1. Yeah, she got banned from the supermarket for running around trying to see herself in the cctv cameras.

2. I'm too old for that. I've already done all my rebellion and dressing up.

3. Why does everyone go to the Slug and Lettuce? They only have one telly.

4. It's a fix! In the ads they show flames coming out of the cinema screen... now way will that happen.

5. If you hold a door open for a woman, she'll only take advantage.

1. I know I shouldn't be gloating at a teen mum's expense but I just hate her so much.

2. Minor delays.... there is no such thing as a minor delay.

3. You use all them long words, right? What do they mean? What does "contemplating" mean?

4. Do you know how much it costs to get a tree surgeon? You may as well just buy a new tree.

5. And what did he give himself for his 27th birthday... a tattoo of a transformer. Its not cool man, just not cool.

1. Can you believe they had a school trip to CERN to see the collider?

2. People whining about being ill over Christmas gives me the shits.

3. I'm looking forward to the Gavin and Tracy programme.

4. We can't eat in that place! There's no mobile reception.

5. ...and talking of fat, sour-faced, miserable old cows.

6. I wasn't having sex, I was giving him a blowjob. Anway I don't fancy him now that I've sucked him off.

7. There were all these teenagers on the bus... hassidic jews. And one of them had never heard of Facebook.

8. I can't believe they banned from the shopping centre for life.

9. Isn't Dubai in Angola?

10. No, I don't like rolls, too much bread in them.

1. She's named her goldfish "cod".

2. Well, I thought a brooch would have made a nice Xmas present in a kind of retro, ironic sense, but she asked for the receipt. Bitch.

3. I'm begging you not to leave me. Don't make me beg.

4. How can McDonalds sponsor The Olympics?

5. They're "Inspire" by New Look. That means that they're fat girl's trousers.

6. I know this girl, yeah, and she went to the doctor and she's in those stirrups, yeah, and the doctor tells her to wipe her arse.

7. It's not racist because chavs aren't a race.

8. The 134 is ok. It's quite safe. I'd avoid the 29 though.

9. So if you have a mommy fish and a daddy fish, they might have little baby fishes!

10. I'm gonna bash him up beforehand.

1. And this delightful young creature must be your daughter.

2. The banks are very good nowadays. As soon as they saw irregular payments they cancelled my account.

3. It's time. It's time for you to let me go. Now run! Run into the light!

4. We've just been to the most exquisite puppet show.

5. Raaaa! Raaagh! I've got a sore throat. Me need Strepsils.

6. My doctor has a foreign name. I'm just sayin'...

7. I think she's the friend of a naval officer.

8. What kind of monster tries to steal from Marks and Spencer?

9. That's the best busker I've ever seen and she was doing Steve Miller and it was actually really good.

10. Where's the party? The party is in my mind.

1. So let me get this straight? You're asking me out on a date so you can get to know my boyfriend.

2. Joe Kinnear has my granny's hairdo.

3. She had a heart attack at 54. Completely fucked up her work.

4. He wanted me to go play golf. Like I'm some kind of poofta.

5. These are people who regularly go on holiday to Zurich.

6. Whilst I was waiting for this train, I saw six go by in the other direction. That's the Hammersmith and City line for you.

7. JLS should win. They're the best singers.

8. Let me off! Let me off! I'm bustin' for a piss!

9. What's a bearded man got to do with checking your cervix? Aside from the fact that he looks like a cunt.

10. They've banned Slade in the office.

1. I wanted to see your performance, but I was in an exam! Sir should have told me.

2. We wont have time for dinner, so I’ll pick up something in Tesco. Some Flumps or something.

3. Whatever you do, don't tell mum that you saw me.

4. That's the sweet smell of success.

5. Oh I'm a silly, silly old cunt.

6. Leona Lewis... yeah, she thinks she's sizziling, but she looks like an Afghan Hound.

7. I was sitting opposite this old gentleman who had a really hairy neck and red eyes.

8. He has more gin than hope these days.

9. I always mean to buy the organic stuff, but then I get to the supermarket and the normal stuff is soooo much cheaper.

10. Stop actin' like you're a gangbanger. You're a twerp.

1. I saw a woman go into Woolworths and ask if they sell wine.

2. We need catheters!

3. My boyfriend is so much younger than me. I'm nineteen and a half and he's only eighteen.

4. They have loads of Westfields in Australia.

5. She has a very loose perm, like someone from 1987 who hasn’t realised time has moved on.

6. Horatio was wearing his sunglasses from season 2.

7. Have you ever been to the Eden Project? I think it’s a bit overrated.

8. I know we can do it. But can we do it within the timescale?

9. He cycles to work, but he doesn’t have to sit in meetings wearing his leggings.

10. It’s quite a big functionality change.

1. I don't want you to get into the habit of eating, ok?

2. You're never going to catch an alien dressed like that.

3. You've really got a British Gas fleece?

4. I wouldn't call it a newspaper, it's the Daily Star.

5. Gérard Depardieu? Yeah Gérard Depardieu. Who does he play? Asterix or Obelix?

6. It wasn't even a book club, it was just two people who had never, ever met.

7. Would you drink beer out of a Wellington boot? I wouldn't.

8. Its not a scarf, its a pashmina.

9. I knew he was a bit different because of the way he tucks his shirt in.

10. I had a royal flush. Like when the queen goes to the toilet.

1. I want a pirate ship! I want a pirate ship!

2. They had the most humungous bakewell tarts.

3. Oh, he got a real bargain! It was only 250k!

4. These little banana sweets. They used to be soft. Now they're rock 'ard.

5. His strides were so tight, he was the one with the camel toe!

6. Guess what i saw today?? Two dwarves! TWO OF THEM!!

7. You remember that advert... he put all his money or red and it came out black?

8. I have to get my handicap down.

9. Every single bloke in London now owns a stripy scarf.

10. You know what they say. The best laid plans... go to rat shit

1. I'm going to a lecture about the global economic crisis. Have you heard of it?

2. He's buying a TV and it's not flatscreen. That makes no sense to me. It's like cutting off your nose.

3. It's a pyramid scheme. Like they have in Egypt.

4. David Bentley's got a chin as big as Jimmy Hill's.

5. There's no point tidying if you've got a two-year-old.

6. Not now. Mummy's got her period.

7. Well, it's like the Olympics, isn't it? There's no prizes for coming second.

8. I love the picture on the side of matches. You know, the man with his arm on fire.

9. Another Friday, another punch-up outside The Slug and Lettuce.

10. My timetable this week is art, art, art, art, design, art, art, art.

1. Don't you get it? It's a tribute to Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes.

2. Does this mean you want to finger me, twice?

3. I'd give it all up for a phone that made me breakfast.

4. We spent the weekend hanging out in New Look.

5. Talk to someone else about it... I'm not a techie.

6. He's some type of crusty rapscallion.

7. Sam and Dave... like the singers?

8. I'm not saying Boris is good, but I was sick of Ken. What was he doing hanging out of Chavez? We don't need that.

9. It's crayfish and rocket. I'd prefer a BLT. I'd prefer a piece of raw meat.

10. Do you want an extra strong mint? I've got one in my pocket.

1. It doesn't matter that I don't get on with my dad. I'll always be his daughter and she's got no right to say those things.

2. Have you tried them? They're lovely. Like little fingers... little Madelaines...

3. Apparently boot-cut jeans are out of fashion. Since when?

4. That's what you get when you spend all your money at the Officer's Club.

5. Looks like you've been snortin' mate... all over your face!

6. Grayson Perry is quite handsome when he's not dressed as a Beano character.

7. And the mice, what do they do? Where do they crap? Under your pillow?

8. They've closed the Woolies in Wood Green. They're going to turn it into a theme park.

9. We need an information architect.

10. Why do they play classical music by the ticket office? Is it to put off the kids?

1. Do you think I should turn ginger?

2. It's so weird! The singer from Midnight Oil is now part of Australia's government.

3. I keep burping up loukaniki.

4. What would YOU consider a normal brain function?

5. It's alright. We've only dropped 1%. No need for panic.

6. He's like a latter-day Raymond Snoddy.

7. It doesn't matter who wins the US elections. Nothing will change. It's a two-horse race and both horses are owned by the same people.

8. Stripes aren't supposed to make you fatter.

9. Ha ha ha! Perhaps you know me by my other name... Doctor Faustus!

10. She talks a lot, doesn't she?

1. She's on tour with Judas Preist, doing the make-up.

2. But this was no ordinary Apache helicopter!

3. If you need someone for Strictly, give me a bell.

4. I kissed a girl, and I liked it. The taste of her Terry Pratchett.

5. I'll do it. I'm a risk taker.

6. J'habite dans la petite maison.

7. You know Perry Mitchell from Eastenders? He goes to my pub. He's got a dog like that.

8. When I walk past Planet Organic, I always make sure I shout some abuse.

9. This bloke started talking to me about how they are widening the M25. How boring is that?

10. It's always special when someone leaves me a copy of The Sun instead of Metro.

1. Oh yes. Let's all laugh at George Bush... because that hasn't been done before, has it?

2. I had never seen Big Ben until about three weeks ago. There was a tourist taking pictures and I thought "What the fuck?"

3. They put me in a bubble.

4. She likes Irish men, but that's alright, I suppose.

5. I mean, it's a gym, not a men's toilet.

6. You want to come to John's birthday party tomorrow? We can drink beer and play video games!

7. Do you ever feel like you exist? I mean, look at my face, it's like a painted picture.

8. I could feel the piss coming but I couldn't stop it.

9. I hate the way they call the airport London Luton. Since when has Luton been part of London?

10. This city is filthy.

1. It makes no difference to me whether you talk or not.

2. I've got a lot of respect for Hans Segers.

3. It's all part of my magnificent philanthropy.

4. Jasper likes jumping out of windows, don't you?

5. She's from Bolivia. It's part of America.

6. We went to the Francis Bacon exhibition. It's good but it's very depressing.

7. Every day I look at my sunglasses and think, "No. Not today."

8. You're talking about rawl plugs, aren't you?

9. Why is the sky so green?

10. I'm using it as a bookmark.

1. I'm sick of painting by numbers. I want to create and not be the same. Why should I put blue in all the number 3s?

2. You shouldn't trust him. He's clever.

3. Oh I hate Woolworths! It's so depressing!

4. The best thing about grapes is grape juice.

5. They're going to make a film of The Hobbit. Probably with midgets.

6. This is summer's last hurrah.

7. I like burping, it's relaxing!

8. This is Japanese beef, yeah? And they feed the cows beer and massage them.

9. You can't eat it... it's cocoa butter.

10. We're here, we're queer, we don't like Germaine Greer.

1. I had to go to the hospital, I've got three kidneys.

2. If you can unfold the bed, you're welcome to it.

3. You can't expect the future to unfold in a linear progression. There's always anomolies.

4. He likes being Scottish, but he doesn't like being in Scotland.

5. If I had a pound for every battery thrown at me...

6. Asians are good at the internet.

7. I've never been to Dagenham. I don't suppose I ever will. I don't feel ashamed about it.

8. I definately wouldn't go out with a man named Winston.

9. What happens at kids parties these days? Do they all have guns and bandanas?

10. Didn't Nelly used to have a sticker on his face?

1. You can't have a church without a steeple.

2. The thing with trams is that tourists keep getting run over, which is great.

3. Simon's getting his face fixed.

4. I don't know everything. I'm not Gandhi.

5. Hold your nose. There's a smell of death.

6. Do you know where I can find The Houses of Parliament?

7. Most football fans just sing the same songs, but they change the words.

8. Why would someone from The Wire appear in a Guy Ritchie film?

9. I just got stopped by a Frenchman asking me out on a date.

10. You can't take upskirt photos anymore... the cameras make a beeping sound.

1. Those Coke glasses at McDonalds are certainly popular.

2. I've gotta stop. Last Christmas, the whole family was there, and I kept on sneaking off to see how Spurs were doing.

3. They send a film crew. They were probably from Estonian telly, but it still counts.

4. He's a gay South African. He's got plenty to worry about.

5. Why do they employ people who you can't understand?

6. Ah! The very man I wanted to avoid.

7. There was no ransom note attached. It's all very suspicious.

8. You shouldn't mistake self-loathing for real insight... unless you're drunk.

9. Elvis was born in Tupelo. I think that's where the band got their name from.

10. Nah, I'm between projects at the moment.

1. And the courgettes, they go mad.

2. Gold. Weapons. Oil. Silver. They're all good investments.

3. How many fucking wankers does it take to change a lightbulb? You. Just you.

4. There's always some Japanese tourist at Kings Cross, lugging a suitcase in front of me.

5. I showered love on her... I really did...

6. Grief. You don't know the meaning of the word.

7. Olympic medals don't mean the stabbing stops, does it?

8. Thirty grand for sitting down and occasionally pressing a button... not bad.

9. I swear I've seen more people drinking on the tube since the ban started.

10. I've lost my spork.

1. Lunch? I don't even know what lunch is anymore.

2. If colour had smell, man, that’s the smell of brown!

3. Pencils... check. Ham sandwich... check. A-Z... check. Bollocks.

4. Who wants to smell like Britney Spears?

5. I'm just going to tell them I work well under pressure.

6. That's what you call a grandstand finish.

7. I was down Southend seafront at the weekend, everyone was Polish!

8. This poor girl was literally covered in shit.

9. They're remaking Knight Rider, aren't they? Surely the end of the world is nigh.

10. Why don't people ever talk on my daily route? Eeugh!

1. Actually, it's not illegal if the vodka is in a Coke bottle.

2. We need a whore for the garden.

3. Fuck me, the tourists attack.

4. I haven't sat down on the tube for about three months.

5. They should make deodorant a compulsory part of tube travel. Sure could sponsor it. They'd make a fortune.

6. Malaysia? That's in Indonesia, isn't it?

7. What does that prove? That God is a Rocker!

8. This is Anastasia, my partner in crime.

9. He just keeps dragging his bum across the floor and I don't know what to do about it.

10. Could you please stop singing?

1. Obviously, their 5-star hotels aren't the same as our 5-star hotels.

2. I'm just a glove machine.

3. That, my friend, is why I'm a former copper and not a serving copper.

4. He is really full-on wooing her.

5. This little chav kid was sitting on the swings and spent about 20 minutes screaming at his mum to push him. Very council.

6. I don't see how anyone can be offended by a piggy bank. No-one's asking anyone to eat it...

7. How can I be racist? I'm half Italian!

8. Jason Bateman likes to walk his dog over my face.

9. What's the worst medical procedure you've ever had?

10. She won't talk to either of us, but she happy to take our money.

1. Ok babe, I'm off scrumping!

2. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life.

3. I don't really speak much Polish. All I can say is Polski Sklep.

4. It makes me so angry that I want to drive up the motorway in my Range Rover chucking food out of the window.

5. The guy in the Sugar Puffs advert is the same guy who plays Fate is the dating ads, isn't he?

6. I once met Tibor Fischer.

7. It's bloody outrageous. Not one Circle Line train is going beyond Edgware Road.

8. Bebo seems to be quite popular with kids who want to shoot each other.

9. It's chalky, not chewy.

10. A load of American girls got on, and they were all wearing Liverpool shirts.

1. Who on earth ends sentences with "Cheery-bye"?

2. On the bus down Green Lanes I saw two muggings and some chav girl screaming her head off at a Sikh guy.

3. I like my nose now. I've grown into it.

4. The problem with working with kids is that you end up with nits.

5. Poor old Boris.

6. I tried a public loo for the first time in ages. I paid 20p, went in, saw a load of shit and walked out.

7. The W3 is diverted. Ferme Park Road is underwater.

8. We really enjoyed our time in Frome.

9. It was a self-catering cubicle.

10. Big Phil Scolari? I assumed it was ironic and he was really tiny. Like a midget.

1. And then we invaded Canada for no reason.

2. Do you wanna go dancing Saturday? No! not clubbing! Dancing!'

3. Cack-handed just means left-handed. It's Arabic or something.

4. LA's not really a theatre town.

5. When she turned up the dog went mental. That tells you something.

6. Where's the hash key?

7. I had to ask him what a snaggle check was... fortunately he gave me the all clear.

8. All that fuss about Jay-Z... I've seen loads of rappers at Glastonbury.

9. Pickpockets, eh?

10. She eats frozen chips, straight from the freezer.

1. It's like Mad Max, only much more gorier.

2. Everyone's going to a hen night at G.A.Y. It's for a civil ceremony.

3. She's not really into food management.

4. I call the remote control "the merote".

5. And that's when you wonder how you managed with such a small fridge.

6. Some guy has worked out where you have to stand on every platform so that when you get off the train you're by the exit.

7. Who decides to become a proctologist?

8. She's got a walk-in cupboard full of her dead boyfriends.

9. We're like two teas in a pod.

10. Wind your neck in, cunto.

1. I'm going all freaky. I'm liking shit that I never thought I'd like.

2. Always time for a Brazil nut.

3. I dunno, he did spend a lot of time accosting strangers with a pink ukelele

4. Half an eggshell is enough. Really.

5. I'm looking forward to watching Wimbledon and not seeing Tim Henman's parents in the crowd.

6. Who is the person who makes the announcements? Is it someone famous?

7. Some people get so angry. I don't think they realise they're making such a fuss in public.

8. If you don't get children, you just don't do it.

9. I'm off to Dubai next week. I can live like a rock star for eight pounds an hour.

10. Why is it that bin stories figure consistently in the world's news?

1. That Pythagoras doesnae exist. He's just a fucking theorem. Like Einstein. If Pythagoras exists, show me a fucking picture.

2. A lot of people don't actually think that Hugo Chavez is a very nice person.

3. I got out of a beige bed wearing a beige t-shirt and put on beige trousers. You know... got a bit lost in the wall.

4. He keeps leaving notes on the fridge. Suicide notes.

5. I never thought I'd wear Converse.

6. It's ok. It's too long and it's black and white and it's French and everyone dies at the end.

7. Is there a cheeseboard?

8. All that press over Heath Ledger... and yet no-one seemed to notice when Brad Renfro died.

9. Wait... I am sure Boris also banned making out on the tube.

10. I think they're pins, I mean - they're not needles...

1. What could you possibly do with A-Levels in food technology and social care? She's not going to be a lawyer with that.

2. The other day, about five years ago...

3. Don't be stupid... Chinese food and Japanese food are the exact same thing.

4. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Because you smell like birdseed.

5. Is that the one without eyebrows?

6. Let me check on my GMTV time.

7. Have you seen that Zeitgeist film? It's about religion and finance.

8. We're going up to Kenwood for a picnic.

9. I don't have a television. I just watch YouTube.

10. You can't copy and paste "in Portugal" for some reason.

1. Emos, Emus, they're all the same; pale looking grumpy birds dressed in black.

2. Yeah, it's going ok. Except I fancy my boss. He's married, two kids.

3. Okey dokey, I'll see you later after I've dumped my boyfriend.

4. I told you before... I'm not allowed to go into the Post Office anymore.

5. Did you eat my lunch again?

6. I got these... Giorgio Armani... five Euros they cost me.

7. Hey bruv, is this the way to Kentish Town?

8. He's not smoking anymore. He spends all his time chewing on one of those plastic cigarettes.

9. I always end up with short men.

10. If you want to see a woman in a burkha, go to Primark on Oxford Street. It's full of them.

1. Have you let one off? Fuck bro, that stinks.

2. The funny thing is though i keep waking up with odd socks on.

3. Look at everyone, out and about, having fun. What fools.

4. It was raining, except i wouldnt normally mind, but the gerbil was soaking.

5. Most of the unicycle hockey team came from Cambridge.

6. You've lost weight. You'll be too thin to get through the door.

7. I like that Midsomer Murders. All the stars have been in it. And Jane Asher.

8. I have schizophrenic eyes.

9. Who does she think she is? You're underage! I don't give a fuck about your friends.

10. There was some line-dancing going on at the wedding, by the way.

1. I just absolutely can't support Australia when it comes to sport.

2. Oh my god, I've been drinking non-alcoholic beer!

3. Naughty boy! No babycino for you!

4. Everyone knows you don't have sex on your wedding night anyway

5. And then she said, Oh I'm going to Cannes. My friend Benicio will be there, y'know Benicio? The Actor!

6. My mum went on holiday and suddenly it's hot!

7. You are so obtuse!

8. I never understand why Jesus didn't use his superpowers to escape the Romans.

9. Do they use the Black Sabbath song in the film?

10. The problem with women is that they're just too wet.

1. Steve, Miquita and Alexa are all going. You know Steve don't you? Oh of course you do - the Welsh mafia.

2. My breast just went all the way down to the end of the tube.

3. I woke up and he was doing a headstand on my shoes.

4. Was this before or after the nose job?

5. Don't talk to him. He might stab you.

6. The first season is ok, but a bit formulaic. The second series is much more morally ambiguous and all the better for it.

7. The woman's muffin is calling and asking me to eat it.